The emotions and feelings that arise when your child is being assessed for ADHD or autism—or when they receive a formal diagnosis—can be intense and multifaceted. It’s completely natural to experience a range of reactions, and many parents find themselves feeling a mix of things throughout the process. Here’s a deeper exploration of the emotions you might experience, and why they arise:

 

1. Shock and Disbelief

• Why it happens: If ADHD or autism was not something you had previously considered, receiving a diagnosis can come as a surprise. The assessment might uncover behaviours or challenges that weren’t immediately clear to you, and it might be hard to reconcile the diagnosis with your understanding of your child.
• What it feels like: You might feel stunned or like the diagnosis doesn’t match your expectations or experiences. You may question, “How could I have missed this?” or “Is this really what’s going on?”
• How to cope: Give yourself permission to take time to process the information. It’s okay not to have all the answers immediately. Talking to experts and reading reliable resources can help clarify the situation.

 

2. Relief

• Why it happens: Sometimes, a diagnosis can bring a sense of relief because it provides an explanation for behaviours that have been confusing or troubling. If you’ve been struggling to understand why your child acts in certain ways, the diagnosis can feel like a “lightbulb moment” that helps everything fall into place.
• What it feels like: You might feel a sense of validation or “finally understanding.” It may feel like you have an answer to questions that have been lingering for years.
• How to cope: Embrace the relief that comes with clarity. Recognising that your child’s challenges are part of their neurodiversity and not something they are “doing wrong” can be empowering for both you and them.

 

3. Grief or Loss

• Why it happens: A diagnosis can evoke feelings of grief because it may symbolise the loss of the idealised version of what you imagined for your child’s life. You might have envisioned a future without challenges, and this diagnosis can feel like an obstacle to those dreams.
• What it feels like: You might feel sadness, even mourning, for the vision of your child’s life that you thought would be “normal” or “easy.” There can also be sorrow for the difficulties your child will face, such as navigating a world that may not always be understanding or accommodating.
• How to cope: It’s important to recognise that grief is part of the process. Allow yourself to feel sad, but also understand that grief doesn’t mean the end of joy or potential. Many parents eventually find that their child’s unique traits bring new strengths and opportunities.

 

4. Guilt and Self-Blame

• Why it happens: As a parent, you may feel guilty about not recognising signs of ADHD or autism earlier. You might ask yourself, “Did I cause this?” or “Should I have done something sooner?”
• What it feels like: There may be feelings of guilt about not having caught certain signs or perhaps not having done enough to help your child. You might blame yourself for not advocating earlier or not having been more vigilant.
• How to cope: Understand that ADHD and autism can sometimes be difficult to recognise, especially if symptoms are mild or masked. These neurodevelopmental differences are not the result of poor parenting or mistakes. Many parents are unaware of these conditions until later in their child’s development, and seeking help is the first step to better understanding and support.

 

5. Fear and Anxiety

• Why it happens: There can be a lot of uncertainty about what the future holds after a diagnosis. Will your child be able to succeed in school? Will they have challenges making friends? What does this mean for their future relationships, career, or independence?
• What it feels like: You might feel anxious about how your child will be treated by others, especially peers and teachers. You may worry about stigma or discrimination, or whether your child will struggle to fit in. The “what ifs” about their future can feel overwhelming.
• How to cope: Take one step at a time. Focus on immediate needs and finding the right resources and support systems. There’s a community of parents and experts who can guide you through these challenges. It’s also essential to keep in mind that many individuals with ADHD or autism lead fulfilling, successful lives, and the right support can make a big difference.

 

6. Frustration

• Why it happens: You might feel frustrated with the process of getting the diagnosis. Assessments, tests, and waiting for results can be time-consuming and sometimes confusing. Moreover, the behaviours associated with ADHD or autism can be difficult to manage, leading to stress in daily life.
• What it feels like: There may be moments when you feel overwhelmed by the complexity of your child’s needs or when trying to coordinate services, therapies, or special accommodations for school. You might feel impatient with how long it takes to make progress or with others who don’t understand your child’s needs.
• How to cope: Build a support network, whether it’s through professionals, family, or other parents who understand. Prioritise self-care to avoid burnout and recognise that progress can take time. Celebrate small victories and be kind to yourself during challenging moments.

 

7. Hope

• Why it happens: A diagnosis opens the door to treatment, intervention, and support, which can provide hope for both you and your child. Knowing that there are strategies, therapies, and resources available to help your child can create optimism for the future.
• What it feels like: With the diagnosis comes the possibility of learning tools and techniques to support your child’s growth and well-being. You may feel hopeful that, with the right interventions, your child can flourish and overcome challenges.
• How to cope: Embrace the hope that comes with new possibilities. Having access to therapies and support systems can make a significant difference. Focus on the strengths your child possesses and remember that many people with ADHD and autism go on to live rich, fulfilling lives.

 

8. Confusion and Overwhelm

• Why it happens: The world of ADHD and autism can be complex, and there’s often a lot of information to digest. Understanding the diagnosis and figuring out how best to support your child can feel overwhelming, especially if you’re new to these conditions.
• What it feels like: You may feel confused about where to start or what steps to take first. The sheer number of therapies, treatments, and educational options can be daunting, and it’s easy to feel lost in the details.
• How to cope: Take small steps. Reach out for guidance from trusted professionals and other parents. Focus on gathering one piece of information at a time and don’t hesitate to ask questions. Building a team of people who understand your child’s needs can help make the process less overwhelming.

 

9. Empowerment

• Why it happens: Once you’ve had time to process the diagnosis, many parents feel empowered to advocate for their child. Understanding your child’s unique neurodiversity allows you to better meet their needs and provide them with the right kind of support.
• What it feels like: You might begin to feel confident in your role as an advocate. Knowing how to navigate school systems, finding the right professionals, and learning strategies to support your child’s growth can create a sense of purpose and empowerment.
• How to cope: Use your newfound understanding to help your child thrive. Advocate for their needs, seek out resources, and build a supportive network that helps you both. Empowerment comes from knowledge, advocacy, and commitment to your child’s well-being.

 

Conclusion

The emotional journey of receiving a diagnosis for ADHD or autism is complex, and it’s okay to feel a range of emotions. These feelings are natural and can vary greatly from person to person, but they all play a role in helping you process the diagnosis and move forward with your child’s well-being in mind. The most important thing is to be patient with yourself as you navigate these emotions and to seek out support when needed. It’s a journey, and you don’t have to go through it alone.