When a child is identified as having special educational needs or disabilities (SEND), the impact reaches far beyond the school gates. For many families, it triggers a seismic shift in daily life. One that few outside the home can truly understand. As professionals supporting these children in schools and settings, it’s vital that we also tune into the hidden emotional, logistical, and systemic pressures their parents carry. Because supporting a child means supporting the adults around them, too.
The Invisible Load
In the UK, the number of children with Education, Health and Care Plans (EHCPs) has risen dramatically in the past decade. According to the Department for Education’s 2024 statistics, over 575,000 children now have an EHCP, with many more receiving SEN Support.
Behind each of these children is often a parent or carer acting as case manager, advocate, therapist, scheduler, and emotional anchor—frequently while holding down a job or managing other responsibilities. The SEND Review Green Paper (2022) recognised this mounting pressure and the adversarial nature of the system itself, acknowledging how families are often forced to “fight” for appropriate provision.
That “fight” can be relentless.
Common stressors include:
- Navigating complex, often inconsistent local authority processes
- Frequent school communication about challenges, not strengths
- Little to no respite or flexible childcare
- Poor access to mental health or diagnostic services
- Social isolation from peers and family
- Financial strain from reduced work hours, therapy costs, or tribunal fees
The Research Is Clear
A 2019 study published in Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders found that mothers of autistic children reported significantly higher levels of stress than parents of neurotypical children, often exceeding levels seen in parents of children with chronic illness.
Meanwhile, a 2021 survey by the charity Contact reported that:
- 72% of UK families with disabled children said their mental health had worsened
- 40% felt their child’s needs were not being met in education
- Over half felt their relationships had been impacted by the pressure of care
For many families, burnout becomes the norm, not the exception.
“But They Seem Fine…”
Parents often present a brave face at the school gates or in meetings. They come prepared, they’re articulate, sometimes even labelled as “demanding” or “over-involved.” But underneath that surface is often fear, exhaustion, and a deep sense of being unheard.
It’s also worth noting that many parents, especially mothers, supporting children with neurodivergence are neurodivergent themselves, often undiagnosed.
This adds another layer of complexity: managing executive function, emotional regulation, or sensory sensitivities while supporting a child with similar needs in a system that isn’t built for either of them.
What Professionals Can Do
So what can SENDCOs, teachers and professionals do to help reduce parental stress, even when the system itself feels immovable?
- See the Parent as Part of the Team
Listen without judgment. Validate their concerns. They know their child better than anyone else. Shift the dynamic from “us vs. them” to collaborators with shared goals.
- Communicate with Care
Phone calls that only share what’s gone wrong can be crushing. Make room for strength-based updates. Avoid education jargon where possible. A short, positive email can go a long way.
- Acknowledge, Don’t Fix
You don’t need to solve everything. Just saying, “This must be really hard” or “I can see how much you’re holding right now” can be powerfully regulating for a parent who feels invisible.
- Offer Predictability
If you’re planning a change in provision, staffing, or classroom routine, give parents a heads up. This helps them support transitions at home and reduces anxiety on all sides.
- Know What’s Out There
Signpost local parent support groups, SENDIASS, early help services, or counselling options, even if they have waiting lists. Parents often feel overwhelmed trying to find these alone.
A Compassionate Shift
You may be the only professional that parent speaks to in a given week who truly gets it. Your tone, your body language, your follow-up. These things matter just as much as policy.
By creating school environments where parents feel safe, not scrutinised, we help build the resilience families need to keep showing up. And when families feel supported, children thrive.
Let’s not forget: the success of any inclusive curriculum doesn’t start at the whiteboard.
It starts in the relationships we build with parents, with carers, and with each other.
Our team at Makewell are currently looking at how we can do more to support SENDCos, to help them support families. If you have any ideas or questions we would love to hear from you